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  • Resist Gender Education | Sex is Real

    Sex is Real This video for teens tells the plain truth about sex and sexual orientation.

  • Resist Gender Education | The Truth About Transgender Medicine

    The Truth About Transgender Medicine Keira Bell: My Story - Persuasion As a teen, Keira transitioned to male but came to regret it. Faced with the loss of her breasts, possible infertility, atrophied genitals and a permanently deeper voice and facial hair, Keira became a claimant in a judicial review against the gender health clinic that had treated her . The case was upheld, with the court noting that it was “very doubtful” that patients aged 14 and 15 could give fully informed consent. ROGD (Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria) Dr Lisa Littman Here is the research underpinning Dr Littman’s coining of the phrase, “rapid-onset gender dysphoria” to describe the sudden increase in teens announcing a transgender identity. Children with gender identity issues are ill-served by adults who shut down the debate This Observer editorial comments on the interim Cass report into UK gender identity services for children and notes that “The long-term health consequences of puberty blockers are unknown, and there is clinical confusion about their purpose.” New media outlet examines the evidence for ‘gender medicine’ | MercatorNet An interview with Australian journalist, Bernard Lane, who explains why “The last few years have shaken my confidence in institutions — not just medical organisations but education systems and media outlets.” Top trans doctors blow the whistle on sloppy care - Abigail Shrier In this ground-breaking interview with two leading transgender doctors, they admit that some transgender healthcare has been “sloppy” and one states, “I’m worried that decisions will be made that will later be regretted by those making them.” Trans doctor who helps teens transition says it’s now ‘gone too far’ A transgender psychologist who has helped hundreds of teens transition has warned that it has “gone too far” — and fears many are making life-changing decisions because it’s “trendy” and pushed on social media. Another unfortunate experiment? New Zealand's Transgender Health Policy and it's Impact on Children by Jan Rivers and Jill Abigail In this NZ research paper, Rivers and Abigail analyse the dramatic rise in the presentation of gender dysphoria and gather abundant evidence that the use of puberty blockers is neither safe nor effective. Evidence for puberty blockers use very low, says NICE - BBC News A review by NICE – the National Institute of Health and Care Excellence (UK) – concluded that the quality of evidence for puberty blockers was “very low”. The Swedish do a u-turn on gender transitioning In May 2021, Sweden officially ended the practice of prescribing puberty blockers and cross-sex hormones for minors under the age of 18. Dr Google does not know “If you're trans" by Dina Samuels Samuels describes her experience of being blindsided by her son’s transgender announcement and concludes: “Our kids are being offered life-altering medical treatments for something with no physical symptoms or scientifically demonstrable cause…Instead of being informed, our kids, who are too young to understand long-term impacts, are being misled about their realistic options by their internet doctors.” What I wish I’d known when I was 19 and had sex reassignment surgery “I chose an irreversible change before I’d even begun to understand my sexuality...But if you explore the world by inhabiting your body as it is, perhaps you’ll find that you love it more than you thought possible.”

  • Resist Gender Education | InsideOUT

    InsideOUT InsideOUT’s school resources ignore the needs of girls. There are ten resource documents for schools’ LGBTQIA+ (rainbow) guidance on InsideOUT’s website , and one document pending. Combined, there are 349 pages, which are downloadable or orderable. All the documents are dated 2021, and the three, from which the below information is derived, state that they are produced with support from the Ministry of Education. The resource documents are heavily loaded towards transgender students. The words ‘trans’, ‘transgender’, ‘transsexual’, and ‘transition/transitioning’ are written 640 times in total across all ten documents. The word count drops dramatically for the words ‘intersex’, ‘gay’, and ‘bisexual’, with ‘lesbian’ coming in last at just 44 mentions. In all the documents, the narrative focuses on schools nurturing and supporting rainbow students in multiple ways, as would be expected, and encourages staff and other students to do so as well. However, there are no instances where rainbow students are guided on how to behave with mutual respect, too. Specifically, schools are told that gender-neutral toilet and changing room facilities should be available, but that “trans, gender diverse, or intersex students will never be made to use a separate facility against their wishes” . So a boy who identifies as a girl should be allowed to use the girls’ facilities if that’s what he wishes, irrespective of how the girls, including lesbians, might feel about having a male-sexed person in intimate spaces with them. The guidelines also state that according to s 127(1) of the Act20, one of the primary objectives of a school board is to ensure that the school “is a physically and emotionally safe place for all students and staff”. For overnight school trips, InsideOUT point out “It’s important to note that there are no specific requirements in the Education and Training Act determining how schools should approach separating students by gender (NB: normally we separate according to sex, but InsideOUT replaces sex with gender throughout the documents), nor are there any rules that would prevent a student sleeping in the same space as students of their affirmed gender“ - e.g. boys with girls. However, in regards to an overnight school trip to a marae where the sleeping arrangements may be girls on one side and boys on the other in the same room, InsideOUT advise that “Where possible, the school should consult with the marae manager/s or iwi affiliated with the marae before the visit to discuss options for trans and intersex students and reach a solution that upholds the mana of everyone involved” . Presumably, girls are included in this recommendation to uphold everyone’s mana. Is a marae the only place a girl’s mana is upheld? It’s well recognised that playing sports is good for our physical and mental health. However, InsideOUT recommends that transgender students be allowed to play on any sports team that “aligns with their affirmed gender, regardless of whether they are taking gender-affirming hormones” – e.g. boys on girls’ sports teams. They also claim that “transwomen have successfully played on women’s teams without any disadvantage to other teams or teammates for years” . This claim is highly contestable, as intensive research by World Rugby has recently ascertained. Women and girls are also notoriously bad at speaking out against injustices or abuses, especially where there is a risk of group ostracisation. This gives the impression of consensus, but may well be a false consensus. Although schools should indeed assist with rainbow students’ full participation in school life, no students’ rights should come at the expense of other students. These school guidelines for transgender students appear to give no consideration as to how they might clash with girls’ safety and wellbeing. Girls matter, too.

  • Resist Gender Education | Relationship and Sexuality Education – an Alternative

    Relationship and Sexuality Education – an Alternative We all agree that young people need truthful and positive education about their bodies, sexuality, reproduction and contraception. But lately many parents have become concerned about the content of some of the health lessons being provided to their tamariki. Parents have noticed that beliefs and values they do not subscribe to are being taught to their children as facts. Some of the topics, although important for children to know as they mature, are being taught at a disturbingly young age. Also, some content coaches children to take part in actions for social change, without reference to the wide range of values in the community. It is important that young children are taught to be accepting of difference but there is no need to mention gender identities or transgenderism at an early age. Discussion of such ideas properly belongs with older students, near or during puberty, and then they should be presented in a balanced way, as with any subject that is contentious, with the beliefs and values of parents being equally respected. This resource, adapted from the Ministry of Education’s Relationship and Sexuality Guidelines (2020), provides an outline of age-appropriate relationship and sexuality education that is respectful of the values of all individuals and whānau. Key learning at Curriculum Level 1 - Years 1 & 2 (5 - 7 years) Our suggested Level 1 Lesson plans can be found here Key learning at Curriculum Level 2 - Years 3 & 4 (8 – 9 years) Our suggested Level 2 Lesson plans can be found here Key learning at Curriculum Level 3 - Years 5 & 6 (10 - 11 years) Our suggested Level 3 Lesson plans can be found here Key learning at Curriculum Level 4 - Years 7 & 8 (12 - 13 years) Our suggested Level 4 Lesson plans can be found here Key learning at Curriculum Level 5 - Years 9 & 10 (14 - 15 years) Our suggested Level 5 Lesson plans can be found here

  • Resist Gender Education | Secret Transition at School

    Secret Transition at School Like many others, my quirky and highly imaginative child, J, started high school at the start of the school year in 2020, going almost immediately into Covid lockdown without much chance to make new friends at school. Lockdown involved six hours a day of online schooling, followed by online gaming with existing friends after school time, all with minimal supervision due to the rest of the family also doing schoolwork and working online. J was socially awkward, quirky, and of an anxious disposition and found it hard to make new friends after lockdown. Towards the end of 2020, this previously “proud to be non-conforming” young person came to us and proudly announced, “I’m trans”. This came as a bolt from the blue, especially when I discovered that teachers at school had been using a different name and opposite sex pronouns for a few months without letting us know. This was particularly difficult for me as I had been quite involved at the school for several years and some of the staff know me well. There had been no expert psychological or psychiatric involvement, therefore there had been no diagnosis or discussion of where these feelings had come from and the decision to make a social transition (a powerful psychological intervention) was taken away from us. The school’s policy requires them to keep any disclosures from students of this nature from parents unless the child wishes them to share the information, yet the school requires parental permission to go on school trips or to be given paracetamol. I did not know much about trans medicine but the more I looked the more horrified I became as there is essentially no diagnosis being done before social transition by schools, which then entrenches the identification by the child as they suddenly get a lot of attention from staff at school and are now protected from bullying in a way they were not protected previously. In 2021, well-meaning staff at school suggested websites for ‘Rainbow’ young people and, although my child had previously stated that there wouldn’t be a request for hormones, suddenly demands for puberty blockers began, and my child’s mental health took a big dive. A weak suicide threat brought unwelcome attention (parents are still told of threats of self-harm by the school, thankfully) and there was a large drop in quality of schoolwork, excused to the school with claims of being “unable to focus due to worrying about my transphobic parents”. This sort of language appeared after talking to “supportive” adults at school and looking at websites such as Rainbow Youth and InsideOUT, which gives these kids a roadmap for what they ’should' be demanding. There is no mention on these websites of any ideas on how to become more comfortable in your own skin, or to try to work out if there are other things going on in their lives (e.g., social problems, autism or ADHD, attraction to the opposite sex, natural discomfort with changes in adolescence, growing pains) which might explain feelings of not fitting in. Before this, we were a close-knit family. Fortunately, after a lot of hard work, J does recognise that we are parents who do love and support all our children, even though we disagree strongly with the current self-diagnosis of gender dysphoria and adoption of a different gender identity. We do a lot together and encourage our children’s interests, especially relating to building skills, confidence and strength of character. I hope that as J grows, she/he will learn to feel more comfortable in their own skin and become proud of being a unique individual, but this is made much more difficult by most of the adults around our child affirming that their self-assessment as not being good enough as her/himself is correct. Instead of allowing natural space and time to explore and experiment with different ways of expressing individuality, our current society is insisting on slapping on a label, concretising it and celebrating children as part of a certain community for which the only entry requirement is the label – and thus if these kids were to admit a mistake, they will lose the label and hence the ‘welcoming’ community they have found.

  • Resist Gender Education | Get Involved

    Get Involved While it is important to engage with your child’s principal and teacher, it is also important to educate the parents around you about what is being taught. The best way to do this, of course, is to simply talk to the parents in the school community you already know, and ask them to speak to parents they know and so on. Once you start talking to other parents about this issue, you will be surprised how many parents are unaware of what is being taught during RSE classes or the potential for harm posed by gender theory. Case Study of a Primary School Consultation Case Study of a Primary School Consultation .pdf Download PDF • 123KB School Body Positive Policy We recommend that all schools consult with their community and set a policy about sex and gender, to avoid unnecessary conflict and potential litigation. School Body Positive Policy .pdf Download PDF • 180KB Be aware of your school’s policies You can attend the Board of Trustees meetings, PTA meetings, ensure you keep yourself informed of what is happening in your child’s school and give yourself the opportunity to provide feedback. If you don’t have time to attend meetings you can still read the meeting minutes. Your school’s website will have them somewhere or you can simply ask the school office where they are stored. https://parents.education.govt.nz/primary-school/getting-involved-in-your-childs-school/your-school-board/#meetingminutesagendas If you have the time, you may even choose to join the school board. You don’t need any specialist skills or experience and there is plenty of support available online to guide you through this process. https://www.schoolboardelections.org.nz/becoming-a-board-member/ https://www.schoolboardelections.org.nz/becoming-a-board-member/what-are-school-boards/ https://parents.education.govt.nz/primary-school/getting-involved-in-your-childs-school/your-school-board/ Write to the Ministry of Education If you find that your child’s school is not providing you with the information you have requested or treating you in a hostile manner when you share your concerns with them, you can make a complaint to the Ministry of Education. Should you feel that your situation is concerning enough that you wish to do this, please feel free to reach out to us for assistance. https://www.education.govt.nz/our-work/contact-us/complaints/ Write to your MP and the Minister of Education Currently, MPs don’t particularly want to touch this topic. Many are not fully aware or concerned about this issue and avoid discussing it because they are not well-informed and don’t want to be damaged in the media over accusations of bigotry and transphobia. However, the more MPs hear from everyday parents about our genuine concerns, the more they will realise that this is an issue they need to pay attention to and take action on. It is always best to contact them with your own examples and experiences, however, you can use this draft letter as a starting point by selecting the paragraphs that are relevant for you. Template - Letter of concern .pdf Download PDF • 78KB

  • Resist Gender Education | Lesson Plans

    Lesson Plans In consultation with parents and teachers, we have created some suggested lesson plans for each Curriculum Level to provide guidance in how to approach teaching relationships and sexuality in a way that provides accurate and age-appropriate information for students. Our resources confirm that mammals have two sexes – male and female – but only humans have gender which is the particular way that males and females are expected to behave according to their culture and time. Although a person may change their gendered behaviour, their sex persists throughout life. We use body positivity principles. We support the rights of individuals to express themselves as they wish, to be treated with sympathy and care, and not to be taught that their personality or their body is wrong and in need of changing. We do not reinforce harmful stereotypes, for instance by affirming that children might be a different sex based on their hobbies or the clothes they prefer to wear. While boys and girls may dress, behave, and have interests as they wish, the sex they were born as remains the same. Download our lesson plans below RSE CL1 Lesson Plans RSE CL1 Lesson Plans Final .pdf Download PDF • 217KB RSE CL2 Lesson Plans RSE CL2 Lesson Plans Final .pdf Download PDF • 216KB RSE CL3 Lesson Plans RSE CL3 Lesson Plans Final .pdf Download PDF • 220KB RSE CL4 Lesson Plans RSE CL4 Lesson Plans Final .pdf Download PDF • 228KB RSE CL5 Lesson Plans RSE CL5 Lesson Plans Final .pdf Download PDF • 274KB Question Flowchart RSE Question Flowchart .pdf Download PDF • 221KB

  • Resist Gender Education | Mates & Dates

    Mates & Dates Mates & Dates https://www.matesanddates.co.nz/ The Mates and Dates programme is fully funded by ACC, with the aim of addressing sexual violence, a significant societal problem. International research has shown that school-based prevention activities are more likely to change sexual attitudes and behaviours over other primary prevention activities. The programme’s purpose is to help young people develop healthy and respectful relationships. Mates and Dates is taught from years 9 to 13 in five-week blocks of 50 minute sessions. Schools can opt into the programme and then trained facilitators, in consultation with the school, deliver the classroom sessions. The students learn five core themes – healthy relationships consent identity, gender and sexuality when things go wrong keeping safe together. While the programme provides many valuable insights, it also presents as fact the idea that everyone has an innate gender identity that is more important than their sexed body. Students are rightly taught to “consider gender stereotypes and expectations and how these may affect the way individuals behave”, but they are not encouraged to query why these same gender stereotypes are now being used to classify someone as male or female without reference to their physical bodies. Instead, they are taught to unquestioningly “respect a diverse range of gender identities”. The programme is delivered by ACC-trained facilitators who often have links to rainbow lobby groups. One observed session for a Y11 class on the topic of consent began with the outside facilitator defining all the various genders people could be. She encouraged the students to contact Rainbow Youth if they had any further queries arising from the lesson. On its website Rainbow Youth states: “It is very uncommon for a person who is not transgender to reach a point where they are asking themselves “am I transgender?” In our broad experience, the answer is almost always “yes”.” If someone feels uncomfortable in their body for whatever reason, Rainbow Youth’s only solution is that they must be transgender. There is no mention on the website or in the Mates and Dates course of the now well-accepted role that social contagion plays in teens adopting diverse gender identities. The Mates and Dates programme is generally well-received by students because it does provide them with important skills for building healthy relationships. However, if this programme is being used in your local school, be aware of the misrepresentations about identity, gender and sexuality that are being taught, so that you will be able to fully discuss them at home.

  • Resist Gender Education | Navigating the Journey

    Navigating the Journey Family planning believes young people have the right to “honest, accurate, and age-appropriate information about sexuality.” Their resource, Navigating the Journey , is provided for this purpose and is used in over 30% of New Zealand schools. https://www.familyplanning.org.nz/catalog/resources This programme is intended for children from year 1 to year 10 with the aim of promoting the well being of young people and to help them develop healthy, consensual, and respectful relationships. While containing many worthwhile activities, the resource is not accurate or age-appropriate when it comes to sex and gender. From Year one, children are taught that there are more sexes than male and female by incorrectly using intersex (a medical condition) as proof. (see our FAQ on intersex conditions here .) In the Year 5-6 lesson plans students are given false statistics to support the concept that sex is an internal feeling rather than a physical fact. (“It is important to be aware that at least 1 in 2,000 people are intersex” p59) Further, they are taught incorrect biology: Turn around if you think everyone who has a period identifies as a girl. (NO) (p59) Sit down if you think some boys start growing breasts during puberty. (YES) (p59) Do our body parts define who we are? (No. Some people with penises might feel more like girls and some people who identify as boys might have female body parts.) (p63) Appendix 19 has labelled drawings of reproductive parts, but no label to say they are male or female. The discussion about periods in Appendix 26 refers to people getting periods, not girls getting periods. A worksheet is available for parents and caregivers but does not include any of the above information. Students are told that their issues may be kept confidential from their parents and are encouraged to find a wide range of other support people. Among the support sources cited is Rainbow Youth who encourage children who are uncomfortable in their bodies to transition. There is much that is positive about this programme, but parents should be aware that untruths are being taught about biology, identity, and gender. Schools do not have to ask for parents’ permission for their child to be included in this program but parents do have the right to withdraw them.

  • Resist Gender Education | Positive books for secondary students

    Positive books for secondary students Always Erin by Erin Brewer (2021) Written for young people with pictures about the author’s journey through gender dysphoria and out the other side. Her dysphoria was the result of a childhood sexual assault and puberty and counselling helped her accept her body. Available from Partners for Ethical Care. https://www.partnersforethicalcare.com/shop-1 Dare Truth and Promise by Paula Boock (1999). (New Zealand) A lesbian teenage love story. Willa and Louie could not be more different. Louie wants to be a lawyer and is an outstanding student. Willa lives in a pub and just wants to get through the year so she can graduate and become a chef. Detransition Booklet. (Detransitioners are people who have adopted an opposite sex identity and later reverted to their birth sex.) Here are gathered written experiences of 75 female and male detransitioners, their wishes, advice and thoughts. The 50-page long booklet has the objective to reach detransitioners and desisters, their relatives and close ones, people who consider a transition and wish for more information, health professional,s such as endocrinologists or therapists, or anyone who wants to learn more about the topic. https://post-trans.com/Detransition-Booklet . Everything Changes by Samantha Hale (2014) Seventeen-year-old Raven Walker has never had a boyfriend. She's never really been interested in boys. But she was always too afraid to examine what that might mean. Until she meets Morgan O'Shea and finds herself inexplicably drawn to her. As their friendship develops, Raven is forced to face the possibility that her interest in Morgan might actually be attraction and that she might be gay. Girl Mans Up by M.E. Girard (2016) Young adult novel about a lesbian girl who struggles with the attitudes and beliefs of her family and friends. Everyone thinks the way Pen looks and acts means she’s trying to be a boy—but she’s not. All she wants is to be the kind of (lesbian) girl she’s always been. So why does everyone have a problem with it? Girl Stuff 13+ by Kaz Cooke (Updated every year) Has everything girls need to know about: friends, body changes, shopping, clothes, make-up, pimples, sizes, hair, earning money, guys, embarrassment, what to eat, moods, smoking, why diets suck, handling love and heartbreak, exercise, school stress, sex, beating bullies and mean girls, drugs, drinking, how to find new friends, cheering up, how to get on with your family, and confidence. My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness by Kabi Nagata (2017). (Graphic Novel in manga form.) This is an honest and heartfelt look at one young woman’s exploration of her sexuality, mental well-being, and growing up in our modern age. My Period by Milli Hill (2021). A positive book about having a period. Gives parents some good language to use to describe intercourse in a way that's factual without being too graphic or too clinical. Sex and Gender: An Introductory Guide by Phoebe Rose www.mybodyisme.com Southernmost by Silas House (2018) A flood has swept away the small town where preacher Asher Sharp lives. When he offers shelter to two gay men he risks losing everything. The Book of Essie by Meghan Maclean Weir (2018) When her religious, reality TV famous family discover Essie is pregnant, it’s decided that she should marry, but whom? Essie slyly convinces them that Roarke Richards, captain of the high school baseball team, would be perfect. Roarke is surprised that Essie knows his secret—he is gay—and only reluctantly agrees with her plan, but eventually he becomes a willing and supportive accomplice. The Book of No Worries: a survival guide for growing up by Lizzie Cox and Tanja Stevanoic (2018) Lots of tips about how to handle growing up, including managing self-image, how common it is for kids going through puberty to dislike themselves/their bodies and tips on mental health and relationships The Care and Keeping of You (Books 1 for younger and 2 for older girls) (2012) To introduce and inform daughters about periods and growing up. Lots of info about self care, diet, emotions, friends etc. The Guncle by Steven Rowley (2021) After a parent tragedy Maisie and Grant are looked after by their gay uncle who doesn’t really know what to do. Feminist histories for teens: https://dragoncloudpress.com/?fbclid=IwAR2Zpj1TcctGFyHS4AdZs_kc2P9LVGtjSWVhLq5XDKm5AneBgT2eUWtZ774

  • Resist Gender Education | Social transitioning is not a good idea

    Social transitioning is not a good idea Social Transitioning locks in gender dysphoria By the time your child tells you they’re transgender, they will have already been swamped by both information and misinformation on the internet. There is no shortage of online groups, containing both adults and peers, telling kids that if they’re feeling awkward about their lives and bodies or if they’re struggling to fit in socially, they may be transgender. In fact, the kids can get told that if they’re even just thinking about whether they may be transgender, they probably are. The first you as a parent may know about it, is when your child requests (or demands) to “socially transition”. This can mean anything from choosing a gender-neutral nickname and wearing androgynous clothing, right through to adopting an opposite sex name, pronouns, and clothes and wanting to be recognised as the chosen sex by everyone else and in all facets of life. This thorough article from Transgender Trend, A Childhood is not Reversible , explains why social transition is not the “kind and affirming” act it is purported to be. Affirmation makes it harder to desist At first, social transitioning may seem to be a good idea, to help your child through a difficult patch in life. Parents can also be emotionally blackmailed by therapists, counsellors, and schools with incorrect dire warnings of the harm their child might do to themselves if absolute affirmation of their transgenderism is not forthcoming. However, if left with a way out, around 80% of kids desist with the ideation of transgenderism after going through puberty. Of course, it will be much more difficult for them to desist if they feel locked into being transgender by their own dramatic insistence, and if all the adults in their lives have fully affirmed the child or young person’s new identity and the entire family has been affected by it. Large amounts of time immersed on the internet can be a lightning rod for cultivating the belief for a child or young person that they’re transgender, when they showed no previous signs of it. Children who are non-conforming, lonely, have abnormally discordant and tumultuous lives, or particular discomfort with puberty, can be seduced by the feeling of belonging to a ‘tribe’. Although it is okay to not be stereotypically conformist, it can be hard to feel okay in the world about it. Transgender ideology offers a way for kids to conform to a stereotype and feel that they fit in somewhere where they are unquestioningly supported. Parents, on the other hand, can be slated as the enemy for their hesitancy to believe their child is really transgender. Parents may feel blindsided by their child’s announcement that they’re transgender. Often, they don’t see it coming, and the only information they can find when they go looking is to be instructed to defer to everything their child wants in their transitioning journey to live as the opposite sex. Tension with others’ rights On the surface, social transitioning sounds like a harmless thing to go along with but delve a bit deeper and there’s a lot attached to it. Using preferred pronouns, for example, is akin to immediately giving the child or young person permission to use the facilities for the opposite sex. Most girls who identify as boys probably won’t immediately use the boys’ facilities, but boys who identify as girls will often immediately start using the girls’ facilities, with the blessing of their school. Irrespective of what may appear to be a consensus amongst girls that this is okay, it is often a false consensus as girls can feel uncomfortable for various social reasons at not going along with what appears to be the ‘right’ belief. That means that there could be a boy, or boys, in with the girls when a girl most needs privacy. The boy is also left open to accusations of improper behaviour. With the advent of more mixed-sex facilities, especially in schools – promoted as being gender-neutral – there is likely to be a rise in tensions around this. Although language is always evolving it also helps us to navigate the material world, and changing structural language also changes everything it supports. More commentary on preferred pronoun use is here . Being trans is tough Changing gender is not the easy road to happiness it’s promoted to be by those invested in encouraging people to take that path, as the growing numbers of detransitioners will attest to. It is hard work to try to force one’s body to be the opposite sex to that which it was born, even with puberty blockers and cross-sex hormones, and it requires maturity to be able to deal with that. Chances are that the initial encounter with your child when they announced they were transgender may not have gone well. All is not lost, however, so don’t be afraid to ask to start again with them but request the respect of a two-way conversation. Keeping the lines of communication open is most important. Listen to their point of view calmly and ask them to do the same with your perspective. Ask for time to process this new information before any decisions are made. Go to Genspect and Transgender Trend for authoritative information about all facets of gender beliefs and guidance for parents so that you are fully informed when talking to your child. "It can be important that you don’t overwhelm your child with advice or information when your child is feeling vulnerable and trying to find themselves. It can sometimes be more helpful to ‘show’ you care rather than ‘tell’. "(Genspect) When the time is right, talk about applying sensible caution to all life-changing decisions and the importance of leaving the door open for changing one’s mind. Discuss the reality of transgender medicine (see our reading list here ) which is quite different from the relentlessly glamourised accounts they will have viewed online. The dating pool for transgender people shrinks, no matter how much others are admonished to accept trans people in their new gender, and long-term intimate relationships, although not impossible to achieve, will be more difficult to find. Ask them to watch some testimonials from detransitioners. "We recommend that you focus on your personal understanding of your child and find areas where you might agree." (Genspect) Try to negotiate a compromise – agree to use a gender-neutral nickname but ask that they delay making permanent decisions and public announcements until an adult. As they grow up and go through puberty, allow your kids to express themselves how they want and emphasise that being different does not automatically mean they are transgender. Exploration of our identity is normal and to be embraced, but identity should not be set in stone at a young age.

  • Resist Gender Education | Positive books for primary students

    Positive books for primary students Allie’s Basketball Dream by Barbara Barber (2013) Picture Book. Basketball is Allie's favourite sport. When her dad gives her a new basketball of her own, she hits the neighbourhood courts, full of confidence. Once there, her enthusiasm ebbs as her shots fall short of the basket - at least at first. (Recommended for ages 8 plus). Cycling to Grandma's House by Jac Torres-Gomez (2014) Picture book. Luna has just been assigned a challenging school project: to find the most incredible characteristic about being a girl and then present it to her class. A powerful new children’s book that breaks the taboo around menstruation. (Recommended for ages 9 - 12). Daddy and Dada by Ryan Brockington (2021) Picture book. A young girl describes how families come in all shapes and sizes, and hers has two dads. (Recommended for ages 3 plus). Enough Love? by Maggie Hutchings (2021) Willa’s parents split up and her dad meets Kevin. Girl Stuff (8-12 years old) by Katz Cooke (Revised and updated 2019/20) The essential younger girl's guide to puberty and the pre-teen years – body changes, dealing with friends & bullies, getting confident, first periods, pimples, hair (wherever it is), phones & being online. No mention of being transgender is apparent . Dara’s Clever Trap by Liz Flanagan and Martina Peluso (2014 ) Unlike many fairy tales that culminate in a marriage, this traditional tale from Cambodia begins with one. Princess Dara has a lot more to do than look for Prince Charming. When Dara goes on a trip to search for the white stones she needs to build a beautiful palace for her father, her husband falls victim to a scheme. The princess quickly puts her engineering skills to work to plan her own trap. (Recommended for ages 6 – 10) Jabari Jumps by Gaia Cornwall (2017) Picture book. When Jabari arrives at the pool, he announces to his Dad that he’s going to jump off the diving board for the first time. Jabari assures his Dad that he’s not scared at all, but his body language says otherwise. His father sensitively offers Jabari tools to overcome his fear, while also letting him know that it’s okay if he doesn’t want to jump. (Recommended for ages 3 – 7). *Johnny the Walrus by Matt Walsh (2021) Johnny is a little boy with a big imagination. One day he pretends to be a big scary dinosaur, the next day he’s a knight in shining armour or a playful puppy. But when the internet people find out Johnny likes to make-believe, he’s forced to make a decision between the little boy he is and the things he pretends to be — and he’s not allowed to change his mind. (Recommended for ages 8-12) The author is critical of transgender activism and sex reassignment surgery. Kate and the Beanstalk by Mary Pope Osborne and Giselle Potter (2000) When Kate climbs the magic beanstalk into the sky, she must overcome even more obstacles than Jack did. The author has the humorous touch of the giantess who is overworked by the giant because he keeps eating her servants. This funny re-telling is full of generosity and heart as Kate works to help others and not just herself. (Recommended for ages 6 – 10). *My Body is Me by Rachel Rooney (2020) An upbeat, rhyming picture book, aimed for 3-6 year olds, written by Rachel Rooney and illustrated by Jessica Ahlberg in consultation with TransgenderTrend. *Not All Princesses Dress in Pink by Jane Yolen and Heidi E.Y. Stemple (2010) While none of the active, smart princesses in Yolen’s book wear pink, each one of them does sport a sparkly crown. This playful book gets to one of the reasons so many girls are drawn to princesses: their power. A princess can be a baseball player who “plays in bright red socks that stink.” She can be someone who wears her jewels while she fixes things with power tools. (Recommended for ages 3 – 7). Pretty Salma: A Little Red Riding Hood Story from Africa by Niki Daly (2007) This feminist fairy tale is funny and incorporates lots of details from Ghanaian culture. Salma’s grandma tells her not to talk to strangers on her trip to the market, but crafty Mr. Dog is determined to trick her and granny by dressing up. Will granny survive Mr. Dog’s sneak attack? Luckily Salma and her grandpa know just what to do to scare Mr. Dog right out of the house. (Recommended for ages 4 – 8). *Tell Me a Tattoo Story by Alison McGhee and Eliza Wheeler (2016 ) Think tattoos are about being a tough guy? This tender conversation a father has with his young son will change your mind. With tattoos that remind Dad of his favourite childhood book, to the words “be kind” that his own father used to tell him, each tattoo has a meaningful story. While some of the tattoos are elaborate, it’s the simplest one that the little boy loves the most. (Recommended for ages 3 – 7). *The Book of No Worries: A survival Guide for growing up by Lizzie Cox and Tanja Stevanoic (2018) Tips on how to handle growing up, including managing self image how common it is for kids going through puberty to dislike their bodies/themselves etc. (Recommended for ages 10 and up) *The different dragon by Jennifer Bryan 2006 Noah has lesbian parents. He goes for an amazing journey with his cat where he meets a dragon who doesn’t want to be scary and fierce all the time . (Recommended for ages 3 – 7). Thelma the unicorn by Aaron Blabey (2017) Thelma is an ordinary pony who dreams of being a glamorous unicorn. Then in a rare pink and glitter-filled moment of fate, Thelma's wish comes true. She rises to instant international stardom, but after a while, Thelma realises that she was happier as her ordinary, sparkle-free self. So she ditches her horn, scrubs off her sparkles, and returns home, where her best friend is waiting for her with a hug. (recommended for ages 3 – 8.) Two Mums and a Menagerie by Carolyn Robertson (2015) Two lesbian mums, their children, and many animals. Plus two great websites: A Mighty Girl This is the world’s largest collection of books, toys, movies, and music for parents, teachers, and others dedicated to raising smart, confident, and courageous girls and, of course, for girls themselves! https://www.amightygirl.com/ Feminist fairy tales web site https://www.rebekahgienapp.com/feminist-fairy-tales/